A Letter to my 6 Month Old

My Crawford,

I know that everyone says that you find room in your heart to love a second child as much as your first but I don't completely agree with that.  I am more than convinced that in July I grew another heart entirely.  Life with you in it has made us all so content.  We prayed so hard for you.  The wait for your life was such a learning time for your Dad and I.  God bended us and made us trust Him before we were blessed with the news of your little self.  The timing was more perfect than we could have imagined. You were the perfect piece to our puzzle,and were created as a part of God's sweet vision for the Fitts.  In a year full of highs and lows, you have been the sweet treat in the middle.  In 2015, you were what we were either looking forward to or what we were enjoying immensely.

I guess you could say that if I were to ever have a child with myself, that he would look a little something like you.  It has been so fun to have a little Will running around , and now to have a mini Chelsea to hold and snuggle has me over the moon!  I am very sorry you didn't get a more endearing nickname, Mr. Squishy.  After your 35 week ultrasound we noticed how terribly "squished" your little face was in the picture.  Furthermore, after discovering what a pudgy newborn you were, the name sort of stuck.  Maybe it will wear off.... However, when you aren't being referred to as squishy, your real name suits you just as well.  While we thought some other nick names might come from it, you seem to be very much a Crawford.  I don't know what makes someone a Crawford but you, my darling, are certainly one.

I'm not quite sure when the new baby feeling will wear off, but I am certain I don't want it to.  I am well aware of how fast a newborn turns into a two year old and it makes me just want to hang on to every last moment I can and spend it kissing your fat face.  It has been amazing to see you go from the sleepy and snuggly newborn to a giggling, cheesin, squealing baby!  These past six months are mind blowing when you think about how much your little body is growing, changing and learning.

There is no better experience on the planet than going to greet you after a nap.  You barely crack your eyes open before you are grinning ear to ear, kicking those legs like they just might lift you from the crib.  Your little non existent top lip makes you look like a little turtle.  I can only pray you are always this happy to see me when you wake up.

At about three months old you developed a need for a bit more attention.  You are easy to please though, a simple man who just need a warm body to look at and chat with.  This is not limited to me or even people you know.  A smile or hello from a perfect stranger at Target will get that smile going in a jiff!

While you have many strengths, I also have to touch on your one weakness.  Sweet boy, bless it, you do not like to sleep at night!  You are pretty solid when it comes to naps but the sun goes down and you become the most alert and hungry bed partner I ever did meet.  Yes, I have probably created this monster with giving in and putting you in bed with us.  What can I say, the "please hold me" shriek you let out just kills me!  I'm a sucker, I know.  However, at six months old, I would like to think we can improve on this a little.  While the 2am party bus is exhausting, I know there will be a day that I don't have a baby to snuggle back to sleep in the middle of the night so I am going to enjoy the parts that I know I will miss.  

You love your brother.  While the feeling is not always mutual, you absolutely light up the second you hear him start to babble about trucks or say "Hiiiiii".  Lately, you have started to grab onto his clothes and pull yourself over close enough to rub your gums on him.  At that point he'll give you a swift nudge to get you to stop but that is usually followed by a squeal of joy.  You are just elated that he was showing you some sort of attention.  I know it is not a fun time for Will but it is too cute not to watch.  I foresee quite a few WWE moments in our future!

Over the past month you have become so active.  You roll and scoot EVERYWHERE.  Even though you aren't crawling yet, I wouldn't even refer to you as immobile anymore.  You will work for 20 minutes to scoot over to the truck will left on the floor, in the hopes that you just found your next teething toy.  You have been gnawing on everything and anything you can get your hands on.  While we keep thinking a tooth will pop through any day, I secretly pray that day is not too soon upon us.  I just love a gummy smile.

A department that you and brother differ so much in is eating.  While he wasn't great at nursing and was not all that enamored with food, you win the piggy award!  He eats to live and you live to eat, which has very much contributed to your "soft" figure.  While we haven't started solids(yet), you grab at our food whenever it is in arm's reach.  You love nursing.  I am certain you would eat all day long if I let you.  You are the loudest eater and your little nursing noises are my favorite.  That content little grunt just makes me feel like I'm doing something right.  I think there is somewhat of a snorting sound in there as you gulp and breath super loud but it is the sweetest.  Rocking and nursing at night are my favorite, its uninterrupted and oh so quiet.  

You are quite possibly the happiest baby I have ever encountered.  Everyone who knows you comments on what an easy baby you are.  I just love your jolly little "go with the flow" spirit, truly fitting the personality of a second child.  I am always amazed at the way you can make me feel like the only person that matters in the world.  Granted, I am your walking, talking food supply but you make me feel important nonetheless. The past six months have been such an adventure and while you growing is bittersweet, I am so looking forward to all the firsts we have ahead of us.

Thank you for being so patient with me and letting me learn how to keep my head above water raising two littles.  I wish I had more time to soak in the (what feels like ) seconds of this stage of life, but thank you for being the nudge to slow everything down and live in the present.  There is a very short season where I am able to just sit cheek to cheek with you and smell your sweet baby scent and kiss those cheeks incessantly.  I pray that you stay a Mama's boy forever.  You make my heart sing precious boy.  I love you so....

Happy Half Birthday!

God's Will- not mine

This has probably been the hardest post to bring myself to write thanks to my little friend named pride.  Nonetheless, I knew I wanted to share about the journey we have been on with my first born, Will.

 Will will be two and a half November 14th and as of right now he is still not really talking.  I feel almost silly bringing attention to it knowing that SO many parents battle FAR worse obstacles than this and we are so very blessed to have two healthy children.  However, navigating life with a 3 month old and a frustrated two year old is HARD! This was one area of parenting I never prepared myself for.  Everyone always warned me of the colic and reflux issues and not sleeping through the night troubles that you can expect early on.  No one could have ever prepared me for life with a toddler who can tear apart a room in seconds and is a constant accident waiting to happen.  Not to mention a very worked up toddler with a very small vocabulary. 

We had a feeling Will might be behind in the communication department early on as he didn't really babble much as a baby and at his first birthday was showing no signs of saying any words.  None of this was very alarming seeing as many children are just "late talkers" and we kept that mindset through his whole second year of life.  As most of our friends children around the same age as Will were starting to point out "ball" and "car" and "baby", we were repeating words and talking to Will nonstop hoping he would started imitating us with no success.  

After Will turned two we decided it wouldn't hurt to get some outside help to see if there was some things we could be doing differently.  This summer, right before Crawford was born, we started meeting with a speech therapist once a week.  Even though many people told us that he would start talking when he was ready we figured some enrichment and guidance on ways we could help him could get us in the right direction.  Also, at this point having a little person who felt very strongly about what he wanted but wasn't able to convey this to us made for a very loud and tense household.  All of us ended up adoring our speech therapist and it was so great to see Wills confidence go up from merely feeling more understood.  

While speech therapy has greatly helped in many areas for us, Will is still not talking very much.  He is making progress but this will definitely be a journey.  I still have days that I want to lock myself in the closet and cry and blame myself for his lack of communication.  Did we not read enough books at night before bed?  Should I have talked to him more as an infant? Did I let him watch too much TV?  There are days Will is grumpy and tired and seems to whine and fuss all day.  Days like that are simply when I let Satan in my day and win my joy.  I am constantly reminded that life with ANY toddler has its tough days but I can choose to wake up every morning with a fire in my heart to pour out every ounce of patience and joy I have to all three of the boys in my life.  

There have been days where I am so frustrated for Will and losing my patience left and right, even though I knew he couldn't help any of this.  I would rest my head on the pillow at night feeling like I had lost that day.  I wanted patience. I wanted Will to talk to me and tell me what he wanted and not have to jump through so many hoops to get through the day.  Then one morning while I was having my quiet time I came across this verse:

"Children are a heritage from the Lord,

    offspring a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

    are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man

    whose quiver is full of them."

Psalm 127-3-5

Wait a second!  He is God's Will, not mine.  Yes, I gave birth to him and have spent the past two years with the title of his mom; snuggling him, feeding him, rocking him to sleep and cheering when he took his first steps but he was Gods before I ever laid eyes on him May 14th, 2013.  I am definitely his mom and there is no one on this Earth that will love him as much as I do but I am simply a vessel for Christ in raising both he and Crawford.  The Lord has entrusted me with this precious gift and my most important job is not to make sure that Will is talking before he is three, but to share Jesus with this sweet boy.  I have the cherished job of raising up these little men and ensuring that they grow up learning about what walking in grace and love look like.  I need to remind myself what eternal value this job in front of me holds.  While some days I feel that I deserve to be defeated I learn that Will is my REWARD not because of anything I have done but because of abundant grace.  Lets be honest, one glance from those blue eyes and I don't need much reminding of what a gift that kid is.  

    

So many times when we are out and about and someone meets Will I have felt the need to say "Hi this is Will, he doesn't talk" just to avoid confusion and awkwardness but that would be walking in fear, not love.  That would be like God saying "This is my daughter Chelsea, and she sins a lot".  Yes, I sin but that is not who I am and that is not how God sees me.  In the same way, I have a healthy, beautiful little boy who is so full of life and funny and the fact that he is taking his time talking does not define him.  God is able to give you a whole new view on what seem to be hard times when you can see people how God sees them.  I have been told that grace is "meeting people where they are" and I think that is ultimately what God asks of us at the end of they day. If God wants Will to talk when he is four, then he is going to talk when he is four and Mama is going to learn crazy kinds of patience.  

 I know two things for sure, raising two boys is going to be a heck of a job and I have a Savior who is constantly filling my cup.  I have days ahead of me that are going to make me ready for straight jacket and others that make me want to sob happy tears.  No matter what kind of day it is and no matter what we are battling, us Mamas must remember not to start comparing ourselves to others.  I think you cheat yourself the ability to see the good in where you are and comparing just becomes a disappointing game.  Lets be honest, no one has it all together but most of us are just doing the best with what we have.  I don't want to make light of struggling with speech delays or any issues that someones child might be facing.  We have checked all the boxes for Will to make sure there isn't any major underlying problems (i.e hearing problems).  We are going to continue to work with him to the best of our knowledge and try to set him up to thrive.  However, ultimately we know that we serve a HUGE God and a speech delay is nothing he can't handle.  

No matter the challenge or tantrum, we have been brought copious amounts of joy thanks to my favorite two year old.  I can't wait to be greeted by his huge gapped-tooth smile every morning and seeing him point out the window to the car.  He lives for sitting in anyones driver seat and pretending to drive around town.  He would rather listen to Uptown Funk than watch Elmo most mornings, and has been known to sit at the table before dinner with his hands folded waiting for everyone to pray with him.  He hugs like an old man as he taps his fingers gently on your back and him leaning in for a kiss is the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed.  Will Fitts, I am so blessed to be your Mama.  
I love you so….

     

In other news(which I will update in more detail later)  Little Brother can be best described as our "Fat Smile", just along for the ride.  He is learning about all the best things in life like laughing and sleeping through the night.  Everyone just loves him to pieces and he can often be found in someones lap, chewing on his hands.